Browsing tag: quote

  • August 31, 2017

    A Change Will Do you Good

    We have all heard it the phrase.  But change is hard.  Even so, it can be a good thing.   And it can be so simple.  What I have found does wonders, is simply a little change of scenery.

     

    I have more free time on my hands right now than I have had in years.    I still find myself getting bogged down.   I struggle hard to find focus.   I have a to-do list a mile long.   I have a tasks-started-but-not-completed list two miles long.   I am so used to having the minutes of my day lined out for me that when I have hours unbooked, I can feel a bit, overwhelmed.

    For so much of my life I have lived by the mantra “work hard, play hard.”   I worked to play.   I loved my jobs most of the time, but I loved vacations even more.    I always found the transition from work to play very easy, because I was usually a little fried by the time I walked out of the newsroom, got onto a plane or loaded in the car to head somewhere fun.   I felt I earned the time off and didn’t have much trouble unplugging from the world I gave most of my life to.   Now?   Now that I have more open space before me, I find I have to work a little harder at it.

     

    There is a bit of guilt scheduling entire days to myself.    There is also the fact I work for myself now, out of my home, so even though I live steps from the beauty of the beach, I am always steps away from piles of work I could be getting to.    Oh yeah, and there are no paid vacation days anymore.    I need to stay plugged in to a certain extent to pay the bills.   All that said, I know our brains need vacations from our every day lives, no matter what those lives are filled with.   That’s where a change of scenery can do wonders.

    I’ve spent the last week up in Tahoe.   I’ve done a little work here and there, but the piles and massive to-do lists…I left at home.   I brought abbreviated versions with me, which has left me ample opportunity for hikes, lake-time and exploring new territory.     And at the end of the week, guess what?

    I find I have more focus.   I am actually a little eager to take on the to-do list upon my return.

     

    It wasn’t discipline or working harder that got me here, though.  It was getting away.   It was the peace of a mountain hike, the serenity of paddling into a crystal clear lake cove, and the awe of discovering a new body of water to float in.     My psyche got to explore some out-of-the-ordinary sensory sensations, and I feel renewed because of that.

    Look, I know we can’t always run off to Tahoe, or some other vacation spot for a week at a time.   But we all live around nature in some form or fashion and there are corners of it we spend little time around or have left unexplored altogether.    Maybe this week find a hike you have been meaning to check out and do it.    Or a beach you drive by and long to pay a visit.   How about a patio spot for lunch, or a coffee shop that seems so quaint as you quickly grab your latte to go?   Can you carve out a couple of hours this week to explore one of them.    We’re looking for a tiny detour off the beaten path here.  A simple change of scenery.

     

    I know what you’re thinking.   You have too much on your plate.   You have to too much to get done.  Here’s the deal though:   If you don’t take the time to reset the machinery now and then, your efficiency suffers.   And sometimes the best use of your time, is to take a little of it for yourself.    It’s good to work hard, play hard.  But try turning it around.    Try a little easy play and my hunch is the work gets a little easier too.

     

    “Not all those who wander are lost.’  J.R.R. Tolkien 

     

  • August 3, 2017

    Face the Fear

     

    I have said this and believed this for as long as I can remember.   Okay, maybe since around junior-high or high-school.    At some point I realized the rush of taking on something I was afraid of and getting to the other side, and I was hooked.   That doesn’t mean I chased that high with reckless abandon.  In fact, did so with a little less enthusiasm with each passing year.   Some of that is wisdom.    I know how bad it hurts to fall…off a horse, off a pedestal, out of love.    But with wisdom come too many fears sometimes.

    We all have fears.   Some of us more than others…maybe.   (Likely they are just different fears.)   But it is when I give into those fears that I feel most constricted and unhappy.   Usually I get to a point of discontent that is deep enough that I have no choice…I have to face them head on and move toward them, and what’s next.

    I believe we are motivated too much as adults, not by the pursuit of pleasure and happiness, but by  pain and discontent.   It is only when a situation gets painful enough that we will really push through our fears.  If only we could change that, we could avoid so much of that pain.   Fears are paralyzing.

    I keep talking, lately, about living more like our child-selves…those little versions of ourselves who liked to build sand-sculptures at the beach and didn’t care if we got a sand wedgie in the process, or stripped off our clothing as quickly as possible to jump into a body of water, without a thought about what we looked like in our bathing suits.   If only we could think more about what makes our hearts soar, rather than how they could get hurt….

    Kids don’t think so much about avoiding pain.   They want, and they ask for their object or experience of desire with every expectation the answer could be a yes.    And even if told no, they are likely to ask again.   They head into experiences the same way, with every expectation that this is going to be FUN!

    Marianne Williamson summarized it well in her book Illuminata:

     

    “Children are happy because they don’t yet have a file in their minds called “All the Things That Could Go Wrong.’  Marianne Williamson/Illuminata”

    What I challenge you to do when feeling stuck, or even paralyzed by fear is indulge the beast for a bit.  Go ahead and make the list of all that could go wrong.    Done.  You indulged the ugly creature that lurks in your brain.   Now, list all that could go right, and what may happen in your world if it did.   Zero in on those.   If even one or two of those happened that went well…imagine how you would feel.   Lean into that.   I know for sure it’s almost always worth the risk to head toward those potentials.   

    It may be big (leaving a job, applying for a job, falling in love….) or small (tackling a cleaning project, attending a new fitness class at the gym)…but what fear could you face today?  Be brave my friends.  I am so confident you will feel lighter and freer when you get to the other side.

  • July 13, 2017

    Frame of Reference

    It’s amazing to me how our viewpoint does not always reflect any kind of absolute reality.    What we are seeing, experiencing in the same situation can be drastically different than what a friend, relative, or partner is.

    Consider trying to take a picture of the someone standing in front of sunset.   They are likely barely visible in image because the brilliant sun behind them is providing such harsh backlight.   But step around your subject, with YOUR back to the sun and suddenly they are perfectly lit and you have a shot worthy of framing.  The subject hasn’t moved or changed, but your perspective has.  You take a radically different picture.

    I was reminded of the importance of frame of reference this week.    I was heading back up to Tahoe for the weekend and got caught in nightmarish traffic due to accidents.   After 7 hours, I was still only to Sacramento and it was getting late, so I decided to call it quits at a friend’s house in Eldorado Hills just past the capitol city.

    After a deep, hard, wonderful sleep, I woke up cloudy-headed and kind of desperate for coffee.   My friend was working early so left me instructions on how to use her fancy espresso maker.   I read them carefully but got stuck one.

    “I have some fresh ground beans sitting in the grinder in the upper left-hand cupboard adjacent to the oven.”

    I opened that cupboard (and every other one in her kitchen) a half dozen times and saw no grinder.   I know how organized Missy is so I was certain it was somewhere but after a half hour of searching, I gave in and face-timed her at work.   She walked me through it and told me to open one cupboard again.

    “There it is!” She exclaimed.   I still saw no coffee grinder.

    “I’m sorry Missy, I must be losing it.  I don’t see it.

    “The white one right up there to your left.”

    “Oh!  It’s a WHITE ONE!”

    You see, in my cloudy-headed state I was looking for the coffee grinder that looked like the one I have at home.   It’s black.  Hers is white and since I was looking for a black little machine, my mind just didn’t register the white one right in front of my face.

    I was a reminder to me about the perspectives, and lenses we all carry with us into our daily lives.    They frame our experiences today, often based on our past experiences.  My perspective in my quest for morning coffee lead to a relatively harmless blind spot, but if our experiences have included hurt, betrayal, being taken advantage of….guess what we’ll be on the lookout for?   It also often comes at the cost of missing out on something useful right in front of us.

    Ever had a disagreement with someone and argued over the way things went down in a previous conflict?  You swear it happened one way.  They are indignant because they remember it totally differently.   You are both seeing your realities but from different perspectives.   Having a wise friend or counselor can be like me reaching out to Missy on Facetime.   They can offer another perspective.  Do try to steer clear from seeking out counsel from any friend who just wants to be your cheerleader.  You don’t need help finding what you can already see.   You need someone who can offer a different frame of reference and expand or even change your point of view.   “What am I missing here?” Should be the question we ask when trying to resolve a conflict, but too often we are more intent on proving ourselves right.   Just because we can’t see the coffee grinder on the shelf doesn’t mean it isn’t there.   And when you change YOUR frame of reference you may suddenly see your subject bathed in the beautiful glow of a setting sun rather than shadowed and dark because you were standing in the wrong spot to get a bright, brilliant and accurate picture

  • June 29, 2017

    Rediscover Rather than Find Yourself

    I had this saying taped to my mirror for years.   It is so wise and so true, and could make our paths to enlightenment so much easier.    We all, at some point or another, struggle to find answers..   We buy self-help books.  We take classes.  We join groups.  But I believe Glenda the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz was right.

    We had them all along.

    We just forget as we grow up and life happens to us.

    I think one of the best ways to be reminded of our inner wisdom, to solve a problem that’s been nagging at us, or to help ourselves make a decision we’ve been struggling with, is get outside and play.

    This past week week I was struggling a bit with business plans, projections and projects.   The weekend had arrived and I was feeling like I should spend much of Saturday at my desk again.   But it was a perfect summer day on the Central Coast, and friend of mine asked me to go to a popular beach a short drive from home.  She proposed, however, we do it a bit differently than usual.  Instead of jumping in the car and fighting traffic and parking when we got there, she suggested we ride our bikes.   It was an easy sell as I had my 11-year-old niece and her little friend coming over for the afternoon.

    We packed up the backpacks, bungee-d down the beach chairs and peddled off.   Immediately I recalled the memory peddling off for summer adventures when I was a kid:  It mattered not our destination or timeframe, the minute we made it to the end of our own street, we were headed for summer fun.

    That’s how it felt as we took off for the beach last weekend.   We were able to take a bike path the whole way, so had no worries about traffic, parking or navigating intersections.   We were just cruising.      I looked at my niece and her friend and was moved by their enthusiasm to play.   When I had asked them earlier about riding with us, they simply said “sure” and went to get their bikes.  They had no questions about destinations or plans.   I watched my friend Tarren who is a successful attorney, mother and grandmother peddle away, and saw instead little beach girl enjoying the same sense of adventure.  Her bike was packed up with all the essentials for a fun day at the beach.   I was grinning ear to ear watching it all.  Feeling it all.

    We got the beach, locked our bikes up (just that ritual brought back an inner reminder of childhood adventures) and headed for the surf.   My niece and her playmate couldn’t get their shoes, hats and clothes off fast enough to run to the water.   I watched them jump the waves, squeal and laugh in the surf for hours.  And as I felt the familiar comfort of the warm sand below me, the hot sun above and a light ocean breeze keeping the temperature just right, I thought, “This is the kind of joy we are born with.”  This is the kind of joy we need to soak up at every opportunity.    Even if we aren’t on summer break.

    I think we need to quit trying to figure things out so much and remember what Mom told us when we got cranky, were testing her patience, or whined that there was NOTHING to do.   Remember?   Mine would snap: “Go outside and Play!”  I am learning more each day the wisdom in those words.

     

    Find a way to go play today my friends!

     

    Next week: Shredding the Gnar.

     

     

     

     

  • June 19, 2017

    Messages in the Sand: Spreading magic

    Messages in the Sand:


    Can you remember the thrill of magic? “What?” You ask. MAGIC. Most of us believed in it in some form or fashion as children. Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. Our imaginary friends. Coming back to you? Well can you really remember the FEEL of that magic?

    Give it a try. Can you recall that FEELING you had as a child in the days leading up to Christmas morning? Or maybe what it felt like waking up and realizing today was the day, then rushing out to the living room to see what Santa had left. There was a thrill to believing in something as magical as good old St. Nick.

    I was reminded of that feeling recently while having my coffee down at the beach not far from my home. Someone magical in my neighborhood leaves messages in the sand for those of us who will get up early enough to take them in before high tide and beach activity takes them away.

    They are so special to me they will get me out of bed long before my body is ready so that I can run down to see what words of wisdom have been left on any given day. I feel Iike a kid when I begin to rise from a deep slumber, hesitant to even open my eyes, and then it hits me: “Message in the sand! Hurry! Get up!” It feels like it did every Christmas morning long ago.

    The other day I was up especially earl before the sun and cruised down to catch the beautiful transition from night to day. I lumbered over to see the message knowing there was no real hurry as the tide was still very low and no one was up yet to mess up the artwork. I reached the viewing spot and was caught off guard to see the mystery writer in the act. My heart leapt, and there was a moment of panic that I had ruined the magic. I felt exactly like I had caught Santa Claus in the act. I backed quietly away and left him to his work.

    I now know who creates the inspiration for all of us in the beachside community and that’s okay because his messages are still so much fun to get each morning. But that morning I realized the impact a random act of kindness can have on people. The sand-writer has no idea who will see his work each morning, nor does he ask for any recognition. He does it anonymously the messages he leaves behind change the trajectory of days for most who see them. It is a random act of kindness that has a magical effects.


    I don’t think we should let our efforts to create magic go by the wayside after children shed their beliefs in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and other magical figures. What random message of inspiration could you leave for someone today? It doesn’t have to be penned perfectly on a stretch of sand, but scribbled on a card or piece of paper and left on a desk, doorstep or public place. Maybe pair it with a flower or sweet treat. Our lives are so hectic these days, I can’t think of a single person who couldn’t use a little serenity delivered to them now and then. Sign it if you’d like. (Especially if you think your recipient might be inclined to be creeped out by an anonymous gesture.). But you can always leave it packaged beautifully in a public place and addressed to “the next person who uses this restroom” or ask a server to deliver it to their next client when they settle the bill. The point is, to share a little magic with those who have forgotten how fun believing in it can be.