• Frame of Reference

    It’s amazing to me how our viewpoint does not always reflect any kind of absolute reality.    What we are seeing, experiencing in the same situation can be drastically different than what a friend, relative, or partner is.

    Consider trying to take a picture of the someone standing in front of sunset.   They are likely barely visible in image because the brilliant sun behind them is providing such harsh backlight.   But step around your subject, with YOUR back to the sun and suddenly they are perfectly lit and you have a shot worthy of framing.  The subject hasn’t moved or changed, but your perspective has.  You take a radically different picture.

    I was reminded of the importance of frame of reference this week.    I was heading back up to Tahoe for the weekend and got caught in nightmarish traffic due to accidents.   After 7 hours, I was still only to Sacramento and it was getting late, so I decided to call it quits at a friend’s house in Eldorado Hills just past the capitol city.

    After a deep, hard, wonderful sleep, I woke up cloudy-headed and kind of desperate for coffee.   My friend was working early so left me instructions on how to use her fancy espresso maker.   I read them carefully but got stuck one.

    “I have some fresh ground beans sitting in the grinder in the upper left-hand cupboard adjacent to the oven.”

    I opened that cupboard (and every other one in her kitchen) a half dozen times and saw no grinder.   I know how organized Missy is so I was certain it was somewhere but after a half hour of searching, I gave in and face-timed her at work.   She walked me through it and told me to open one cupboard again.

    “There it is!” She exclaimed.   I still saw no coffee grinder.

    “I’m sorry Missy, I must be losing it.  I don’t see it.

    “The white one right up there to your left.”

    “Oh!  It’s a WHITE ONE!”

    You see, in my cloudy-headed state I was looking for the coffee grinder that looked like the one I have at home.   It’s black.  Hers is white and since I was looking for a black little machine, my mind just didn’t register the white one right in front of my face.

    I was a reminder to me about the perspectives, and lenses we all carry with us into our daily lives.    They frame our experiences today, often based on our past experiences.  My perspective in my quest for morning coffee lead to a relatively harmless blind spot, but if our experiences have included hurt, betrayal, being taken advantage of….guess what we’ll be on the lookout for?   It also often comes at the cost of missing out on something useful right in front of us.

    Ever had a disagreement with someone and argued over the way things went down in a previous conflict?  You swear it happened one way.  They are indignant because they remember it totally differently.   You are both seeing your realities but from different perspectives.   Having a wise friend or counselor can be like me reaching out to Missy on Facetime.   They can offer another perspective.  Do try to steer clear from seeking out counsel from any friend who just wants to be your cheerleader.  You don’t need help finding what you can already see.   You need someone who can offer a different frame of reference and expand or even change your point of view.   “What am I missing here?” Should be the question we ask when trying to resolve a conflict, but too often we are more intent on proving ourselves right.   Just because we can’t see the coffee grinder on the shelf doesn’t mean it isn’t there.   And when you change YOUR frame of reference you may suddenly see your subject bathed in the beautiful glow of a setting sun rather than shadowed and dark because you were standing in the wrong spot to get a bright, brilliant and accurate picture

  • Messages in the Sand: Spreading magic

    Messages in the Sand:


    Can you remember the thrill of magic? “What?” You ask. MAGIC. Most of us believed in it in some form or fashion as children. Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. Our imaginary friends. Coming back to you? Well can you really remember the FEEL of that magic?

    Give it a try. Can you recall that FEELING you had as a child in the days leading up to Christmas morning? Or maybe what it felt like waking up and realizing today was the day, then rushing out to the living room to see what Santa had left. There was a thrill to believing in something as magical as good old St. Nick.

    I was reminded of that feeling recently while having my coffee down at the beach not far from my home. Someone magical in my neighborhood leaves messages in the sand for those of us who will get up early enough to take them in before high tide and beach activity takes them away.

    They are so special to me they will get me out of bed long before my body is ready so that I can run down to see what words of wisdom have been left on any given day. I feel Iike a kid when I begin to rise from a deep slumber, hesitant to even open my eyes, and then it hits me: “Message in the sand! Hurry! Get up!” It feels like it did every Christmas morning long ago.

    The other day I was up especially earl before the sun and cruised down to catch the beautiful transition from night to day. I lumbered over to see the message knowing there was no real hurry as the tide was still very low and no one was up yet to mess up the artwork. I reached the viewing spot and was caught off guard to see the mystery writer in the act. My heart leapt, and there was a moment of panic that I had ruined the magic. I felt exactly like I had caught Santa Claus in the act. I backed quietly away and left him to his work.

    I now know who creates the inspiration for all of us in the beachside community and that’s okay because his messages are still so much fun to get each morning. But that morning I realized the impact a random act of kindness can have on people. The sand-writer has no idea who will see his work each morning, nor does he ask for any recognition. He does it anonymously the messages he leaves behind change the trajectory of days for most who see them. It is a random act of kindness that has a magical effects.


    I don’t think we should let our efforts to create magic go by the wayside after children shed their beliefs in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and other magical figures. What random message of inspiration could you leave for someone today? It doesn’t have to be penned perfectly on a stretch of sand, but scribbled on a card or piece of paper and left on a desk, doorstep or public place. Maybe pair it with a flower or sweet treat. Our lives are so hectic these days, I can’t think of a single person who couldn’t use a little serenity delivered to them now and then. Sign it if you’d like. (Especially if you think your recipient might be inclined to be creeped out by an anonymous gesture.). But you can always leave it packaged beautifully in a public place and addressed to “the next person who uses this restroom” or ask a server to deliver it to their next client when they settle the bill. The point is, to share a little magic with those who have forgotten how fun believing in it can be.